“Don’t cry because it’s over…
Smile because it happened.”
Getting over a break up can be a painful process. Some feelings are unavoidable, but there are steps you can take to heal much quicker.
Dealing with the break up in an unhealthy manner will have negative consequences that may linger indefinitely.
The first rule for getting over a break-up is simple…
Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Everyone needs help at certain times in their life.
Well-meaning friends and family can help, but they aren’t always equipped to provide the honest and necessary advice required. They typically try to “cheer you up” versus navigating the tough psychological issues in a comprehensive manner.
We’ve worked with many clients over the years, and their first call to us is often after a break-up.
Don’t worry! The heartache will soon be a thing of a the past. Our only rule is don’t immediately ask…
“How can I get my ex back?”
We will address this option in another article, and you will be surprised how easy it is….but…
You have little chance to win back an ex without getting over the break up first.
Feelings of anxiety, depression, and worry sabotage attractiveness. Things can snowball if you don’t quickly address these issues.
In many cases, once someone properly gets over a break-up, they realize they don’t even want the ex back…so, for now, let’s focus on moving on.
Remember…The “pain” is strictly psychological, so we will start by changing your perspective.
How to Get Over a Break Up
1. Think of how long you lived and prospered before even meeting this person.
Many forget that they lived fine and thrived before meeting the person they broke up with. Think of all the great moments of your life that DIDN’T include you ex. Great moments in your life are NEVER solely dependent on just ONE person.
2. How much of your time together was really GREAT?
When things are over, we tend to fall victim to nostalgia and focus only on the good things. Don’t exaggerate the good times. Be honest…The quality of time you two spent together probably wasn’t as marvelous and perfect as you tend to think afterwards…especially the recent past.
3. Is this the only person who ever found you attractive or wanted to be with you?
Too often, people become pessimistic after a break-up and feel like no one will date them again. If you follow our program, this will never be the case. However, even without training, you should find comfort in all the people who have found you attractive and wanted to be with you in the past.
4. While you were with this person, were you ever attracted to other people?
Odds are good you found other people attractive and thought of dating different people while with this person. Now you have that freedom and opportunity. Replace the feeling of loss with motivation and excitement to find someone better.
5. Did you feel like the luckiest guy/girl in the world being with this person?
There is no reason to ‘sweat’ somebody who wasn’t your soul mate. Perhaps you wasted too much time with this person trying to “make” them your soul mate. Either way, the quicker you end the attachment…the more chances you have to find a true soul mate.
6. How many people have you met in your life that you still keep in touch with?
Not all relationships last forever. In fact, very few of the people we encounter will result in lifetime relationships.
Put your ex relationship in the same context.
Everyone changes. Are you still attracted to the same type of guys/girl you were 5 years ago??? Probably not…And 5 years from now, you will likely laugh that you ‘sweated’ the person you just broke up with.
7. Has anybody else you know experienced a break-up?
Almost everyone has been on both sides of the break-up equation, so don’t let your ego run wild. You aren’t “doomed” “cursed” or a “victim” more than anyone else. Beautiful, rich, and famous people have all experienced break-ups.
When you have disappointment and heartache, recall friends or family members who have had it much worse in the past. Now maybe your turn, but it’s up to you how long it lasts.
Feeling sorry for yourself does no good and leads to unhealthy behaviors such as binge eating, isolation, and other counter-productive actions.
8. Are you a weak person or a strong one?
If you admit to being a weak person, then you have just guaranteed you will experience many more break-ups in the future. Nobody finds a weak person attractive. It’s impossible to enjoy a prosperous, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationship with a quality partner if you are a weak person.
The only way to get through the challenges of life is to become strong. Go back to Chapter 1 and re-read our articles on self-esteem, confidence and competence to overcome insecurities.
If you are a strong person, then behave like one. Disappointments in life are normal. How you respond determines your character and happiness.
These questions should give you perspective on the emotions you’re experiencing.
Nothing will make the pain go away entirely, but anything that helps dissipate the pain will gradually get rid of it.
Whenever the pain gets bad, revisit these questions and keep proper perspective.
At this stage, you also want to avoid counter-productive actions that make things worse. Here is a quick list…
- No contact with your ex. NONE AT ALL!!
- No stalking. Remove all Facebook links and any other connections.
- No contact with friends of your ex. It will just lead to discussion about him/her which inevitably adds drama and prolong your healing.
In Part II, we discuss “How to get your ex back” if that is something you are interested in.
However, DON’T rush to this step!
The only way this option may be possible is if you accomplish the goals outlined in this article and remove the desperation and anxiety controlling you right now.
If your ex was so “great” and found you attractive, then others will too.
If this person wasn’t so “great”, then you are now better off.