“Relationships switch from passionate to compassionate between 6 and 30 months”
Robin Milhausen, Ph.D. sex researcher in Ontario
Wonder why she is losing interest in sex?
An article by Mens Health attempted to solve this issue.
Like many online articles, it started off great…referencing a common problem in marriages…i.e. losing passion and sex after a period of time.
It even quoted a Ph.D in sex research who correctly claimed that…
“For women with a lower sex drive in the first place, the switch to a deeper emotional bond may reduce some of the excitement associated with sex in new relationships.”
Unfortunately…like most online articles…the rest of it was written by an unqualified person (i.e. a fitness instructor in this case) who used only 500 words and gave extremely weak advice to “cure” the situation.
Here is a synopsis of the 4 suggestions she made.
1. Don’t Ignore Her Appearance – Pay her a few compliments every day to let her know she is sexy.
2. Don’t Put Her Under Pressure – Focus on the connection versus the number of orgasms.
3. Don’t Use Porn As a Benchmark – Keep things real and not too kinky.
4. Don’t Ignore Her Lips – Use kissing to create intimacy and heighten the mood.
While these seem like logical suggestions, they WON’T solve the problem or produce any noticeable improvements.
As members of our site know, there are much better ways to heighten a woman’s sex drive.
Here are a few suggestions for our non-members…
Instead of paying her compliments (as noted in the article)…focus more on flirting.
Just telling a women she looks nice won’t stimulate her sex drive. It must be followed with teasing, flirting, and some level of naughtiness.
In fact, compliments without the element of flirting might exacerbate the problem.
As noted by the PhD in the article, the problem revolves around “compassion” versus “passion”. If all you do is give a compliment (as advised in the article), she might see you even more in just a compassionate light versus passionate light.
A recent study debunked the stereotype that woman focus on romance while men think about sex.
The difference is far less than conventional wisdom implies, so it will take more than just “compliments” and “candle lights” to truly ignite her passions.
Awaken her more primal senses by being flirty, touchy, and naughty. This will help create a mood and fantasy that doesn’t exist in your normal day-to-day interactions.
Again, our members section details numerous methods for flirting and igniting attraction verbally and remotely (i.e. via text). Add this element to your relationship, and you will be amazed how much the level of sex and passion increases.
Here is where we disagree directly with the article most.
Avoiding porn and not stressing about orgasms will just feed into the problem causing the lack of passion.
Let’s face it…guys are going to watch porn…that won’t change…especially if they are in a marriage with little sex.
Secondly, you won’t increase the amount of passion and frequency of sex in your relationship if the woman isn’t experiencing an orgasm.
It’s better to find ways to address reality than avoid it. You are both adults, so why shouldn’t you explore and try new things.
Women have just as many fantasies as men, but they need to feel safe acting out their inhibitions.
Revealing your fantasies first is a great way to bring a woman out of her shell and get the ball rolling.
By adding some kink into the relationship, you open a door to a whole new world of opportunities. It will also keep things fresh, which may even improve her orgasm frequency and intensity.
Right now…nothing is hotter than 50 Shades of Grey for woman….so if you don’t know how or where to start…pickup this book and give it to her as a gift.
You can thank us later
If you like this advice, make sure you become a Friends With Benefits membership to learn even more….
Thanks for sharing!!!