“How to Get Out of the Friend Zone”

 

 

 

 

 

Famous Friendzone Quotes

 

I love you like a brother”

 

“You’re so nice.  I wouldn’t want to lose our friendship”

 

Can you relate to the quotes above?

If not, maybe this story sounds familiar…
 

How to Get Out of the Friend Zone

Case Study

 

Four years ago, George met Brittany at a mutual friend’s party.

George found Brittany attractive, but neither flirted on the night they met. They mainly discussed work related topics and other superficial things.

At the end of the night, George asked for Brittany’s phone number.

He thought the conversation had gone great…plus she seemed smart and attractive.  It felt like the early signs of a crush – not a friendship.

As for Brittany…she gave George her phone number because she thought he was cute and sweet.

She didn’t feel a huge “spark” after talking with him all night, but wasn’t putting him in the friend zone yet either. Thus she had no problem giving him her number.  

————————-FASTFORWARD 1 WEEK——————————–

  George called Brittany for a date.  Brittany was somewhat surprised by the call.  She didn’t remember him at first, but soon recalled meeting him. 

Because she didn’t have a boyfriend or anything else going on that weekend…she accepted the date.

George was super excited.  He setup a lavish date that included dinner at an expensive restaurant and theater tickets to a Cirque du Soleil show.  He also picked her up at her home and brought flowers.

They had a pleasant time.

In the restaurant, their conversation gravitated to the same topics as before. 

At the theater, they couldn’t talk much while watching the show.

At the end of the night, George dropped Brittany off at her house and walked her up to the door.

He was very nervous as she stood at the door about to go in.  He told her he had a wonderful time and suggested they do it again soon.

They exchanged a brief hug and said goodnight.

After the date, George felt great.  Everything went according to script and how his mom taught him.  He showed her a great time and acted like a complete gentleman.  He was excited to ask her out again.

On the flip side…Brittany had fun with George, but…again…she felt no spark.  

——————-FASTFORWARD 1 MONTH—————————–

  George had been periodically texting Brittany to see how her day went.  She would respond each time, but they mainly exchanged brief, polite texts.

When it came close to the following weekend, George called Brittany and asked her to go with him to a friend’s wedding.

At this point, Brittany still didn’t feel a spark, and her interest had actually waned since their first meeting.

She didn’t want to mislead him, so she said….

“You’re a great guy, but I don’t want to give you the wrong impression.  Can we go as friends?

George felt like he was punched in the gut.  A wave of disappointment and anxiety overcame him.

He knew he had just been condemned to the “FRIEND ZONE”!

Worse yet…He replied…”Of course…no problem.”

George figured he would settle for friendship even though he wanted more.  

——————–FASTFORWARD 3 MONTHS—————————-

  In the months that followed, George did everything for Brittany

He took her places, bought her things, and helped her out whenever needed. He thought if he provided all her ‘boyfriend needs’ that she might change her mind.

Of course, that never happens in the “Friend Zone”.

Instead…it got worse.

Brittany started dating new people and many were jerks.

George got jealous, but hoped it was a good sign that she was only dating losers.  He treated her well and thought he would compare favorably to all the douche-bags she was dating.

However, it merely sentenced him to further torture as her shoulder to cry on…which is the role he assumed until he found Optimacy.

 

Whether you’re male or female, you probably can relate to George and Brittany’s story.

 

If so…It’s NOT your fault.

 
How to get out of the friend zone
 

Almost everyone has made mistakes that landed them into the dreaded “friend zone”.

 

You just weren’t taught the right way to avoid / get out of the friend zone.

 

 

If you are an Optimacy member, you already know the right way to AVOID the Friend Zone.

In fact, you probably recognized almost all the mistakes George made after reading Chapter 2 of our course material.

However, AVOIDING the friend zone is one thing…How to get out of the friend zone is another.

This article is designed to teach you the proper techniques on how to GET OUT of the friend zone if/when you ever make a mistake.

Let’s start from the top…

 

 

Defining “The Friend Zone”

 

The Friend Zone is a situation where one individual in a friendship wants to become romantically involved, but not the other.

Most of the time, the other person is unaware of this desire.  They are just happy with the friendship as-is.

 

In some instances, the friends have had previous sexual involvement (i.e. friends-with-benefits), but there is desire by one party to transition the relationship into something more serious/committed.

 

Either way…The person in the friend zone more rarely communicates their desire DIRECTLY to the other person.

Instead, they usually go overboard trying to “show” the other person that they would be a great boyfriend / girlfriend by being super nice and doing everything for them.

Unfortunately, the other person almost NEVER gets interested in being more than friends because they are already receiving maximum value, without having to reciprocate.

This situation makes the “friendzone” VERY frustrating and unhealthy.

You can never be happy in a situation where you are providing all the needs for someone, but not getting your needs met in return.

The frustration will eventually build up and lead to drama in the relationship…as well as other psychological damage/issues.

 

 

How to Get Out of the Friend Zone

 

 

1.  Learn the Causes

 

Before you can get out of the friend zone, you need to understand what got you stuck there in the first place.

If you are friends with someone who you’ve never had sex with, then the #1 cause is simple…

You didn’t do a good job of igniting SEXUAL attraction when you met.

In the example above, George blew numerous opportunities to create sexual chemistry. In fact, he avoided flirting like the plague.

Many guys rationalize this behavior as being “the perfect gentleman”, but it’s really just an excuse to disguise their anxieties and fears.

In George’s case…there was less chance of rejection by hugging Brittany at the end of the night versus trying to kiss her.

Similarly…it was much easier for him to talk about safe topics and “impress” her with fancy places versus meaningfully interacting with Brittany.

The blunders George made all revolve around the failure to generate any sexual chemistry. 

To avoid these mistakes…it’s imperative that you take our course and learn how to ignite attraction in people you meet.

If you aren’t physically attractive or have problems with insecurities, focus on Chapter 1 to maximize your potential.

Once you have made yourself as attractive as possible, focus on these specific articles in Chapter 2 to identify what to do right:

 

Conversation Openers – Overview

Conversation Openers – Common Mistakes

Conversation Openers – Examples of Good Approaches

Mastering Interactions – Overview

Mastering Small Talk – Part I

Mastering Small Talk – Part II

Flattery Will Get You Nowhere

Rules for a First Date

Texting – Secrets to Generating Attraction

Texting – Etiquette

 

These articles provide a comprehensive roadmap for the RIGHT way to generate attraction with someone you meet.

With this knowledge, it won’t take you long to identify the specific area where you may have gone wrong and got sentenced to the Friend Zone.

————————————————————————-

FRIENDS-WITH-BENEFITS ZONE

If you happen to be in the ‘other’ type of Friend Zone (i.e. friends-with-benefits), then the #1 cause for being stuck in that nebulous area is simple….YOU SOLD YOURSELF SHORT

All relationships are give-and-take agreements.  Nothing is put in writing, but it is similar to negotiating any contract.  You try to get what you want from the other person, and they give what they are willing to give.

If you are a friend-with-benefits and want more, then you allowed the unwritten “agreement” to be unequal.  You gave the other person everything he/she wanted, but didn’t get everything you wanted in return.

It’s difficult to re-negotiate these “agreements” afterward because you don’t have much to bargain with.

However, the same steps that follow will apply.



 

 

2.  Stop Being a Pushover/Wimp

 

Those in the Friend Zone typically agree with whatever the other person says…and do whatever favor is asked.

You may convince yourself that this is virtuous behavior and a sign of a good friend…but you’re only fooling yourself.

On a conscious level, your friend may be thankful and very appreciative.  However, on a subconscious level, you are communicating that you value the friendship TOO much.

Desperation and neediness are NOT attractive qualities!

Start standing up for yourself.

If you disagree with your friend or don’t want to do something, speak up.

Don’t be afraid of upsetting them or turning them off.  It will actually do the opposite and start earning you some respect.

Suddenly changing your attitude can be difficult if you’ve built up a lot of frustration. It’s tempting to be confrontational at this stage, which is not the proper strategy.

Be authoritative…without being angry or sounding bitter.

—————————————————————————–

EXAMPLE

Let’s say you both go places together, but YOU always have to drive and your “friend” always picks the place.

The next time the opportunity arises…DON’T say…

“You always pick the place we go.  Plus I always have to drive.  Can’t we switch it up this time?”

That line sounds more like whining and complaining.

Instead, say something like…

“I’m going to XYX where my friends are going.  If you want to come, swing by and I’ll ride with you.”

 This is much more authoritative…reflects independence…and will earn respect.

 

 

3.  Detox

 

To change your “friend’s” perception of you as needy and a pushover, start withdrawing from the friendship.

You don’t have to go “cold turkey”, but aggressively wean yourself by spending less and less time with them — both on the phone and in person.

Desperate people end up with what others give them, not what they want…so be strong and don’t cave in to withdrawal symptoms.

Reducing your availability will stop you from making the same mistakes that are keeping you in the friend zone.

Plus, THEY will start feeling an absence.

When you are no longer around as much or tending to their needs, your “friend” will  likely feel it.

At this stage though, our primary goal is to reset YOUR mind…not THEIRS.

You MUST adopt the mindset that allows you to walk away if you don’t get what you want. 

To steal a line from Donald Trump…”Whoever wants a ‘deal’ more loses at the negotiating table.”

Similarly…those who are willing to walk away from a relationship have the power to guide it.

Once you’ve adopted the proper mindset, this is perfect timing for the next step…

 

 

4.  Provide Competition

 

Replace the time you have been dedicating to your “friend” with other friends (i.e. the ones that you want to keep as just friends).

Like the previous step, you will see dual benefits.

First…it’s healthy to hang out with others who value you equally.  It’s a great antidote for any withdrawal pains you feel from Step 3.

 

Pay particular attention to how you act around your normal friends. 

Adapt those same qualities and demeanor to avoid making additional mistakes in your friend zone relationship.

 

Second…Hanging out with others gives you a great way to inject competition.

Tell your “friend” that you are hanging out with other friends.

Ideally, you should start hanging out with friends that are members of the opposite sex.  This will compound the sense of competition and accelerate your “friend’s” sense of loss.

People value things more when they think they might lose it.

Few things motivate people more than jealousy, so don’t be surprised if your “friend” wants to start hanging out and doing things for YOU (instead of the previous reverse situation) .

This may seem like a great sign, but don’t get too excited…If your “friend” starts missing you and asking you to do stuff, don’t cave in immediately!

Just because they are feeling a loss and want to see you doesn’t mean they are willing to graduate you out of the friend zone.

Before accepting their new disposition, it’s critical to go through a few more steps.

 

————————————————————————–

To Be Continued…

 

This is a good stopping point for Part I of Breaking Out of the Friend Zone.

We’ve provided a lot of material to digest and some important things to accomplish before moving forward.

The steps above have all been designed to “reset” your relationship.

Our primary goal in Part I has been to…

    • Erase negative perceptions,
    • Employ the proper mindset, and
    • Inject some equality into the dynamic.

In short, our objective is to reverse all the harm done and start the relationship again from scratch.

In Part II, we will piggyback off of this stage and talk about pro-active steps to re-ignite chemistry with your “friend”.

 

Some of the special techniques we teach in Part II may seem controversial.  

However, they are specifically designed to offset the previous mistakes you made and keep you from ever going back into the friend zone.

 

It’s also a great idea to re-read our material from Chapter 2 about meeting new people.

As you will see in Part II, much of your success will depend on how well you employ the same strategies we teach when meeting someone new.

You will also find out what happened with our case study – George and Brittany :)

 

 

 

 

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Whatever you do…don’t ever take the advice you read on things such as Wikihow or Yahoo Answers.