“Never judge a book by its cover…


But assume everybody else is judging yours.”




What does your “cover” say about you?


What do people think they will see inside based on the image you present?


We all must face a simple fact: looks matter, and they matter a lot.

Everything about your look sends messages to others.


bad fashion


Your sense of style can go a long way towards attracting others!


Image affects everybody’s perception, so take the time to learn the secrets of fashion and style.  Small improvements CAN make a meaningful impact in how people perceive and treat you.

In addition, when you look better physically, you feel better psychologically. The impact on your confidence and self-esteem will be immediate and lasting.

Here’s a simple exercise…

Picture two different people in your head:

a) A Homeless Man

b) The President of a Country

Now think of all the differences between the two.

Almost all the differences you constructed in your head were likely based on appearance alone.

While the above exercise is a drastic example, it illustrates how much appearance alone can define you.


You are always communicating regardless if speaking or not.


Compare your behavior when dressed sharp versus slovenly.  Most people feel and act much better when they look good.


Looking your best will attract the best.


We touched on non-verbal communication in a prior article — “Using Posture to Create Attraction”.   In this article, we expand our focus to more general tips for attracting people with your image and creating the best possible style.

Please note:  Our 1-on-1 coaching is ideal for helping in this area, but if you can not sign up for whatever reason, here is a brief synopsis of tips and steps we walk through for each client.


1. Understand your image


How do other people see you?  Do they think you are attractive, sharp and polished?


Ask a few trusted friends for an objective assessment of what your style projects.

Without professional help, it’s important to get multiple opinions and not just focus on one opinion.  Choose competent, intelligent, and honest people for an opinion.

Also, it doesn’t matter whether they like your style or not (we’re not looking to please anyone at this stage).  Just get an accurate assessment of what your style says about you.  

How do these opinions reconcile with what you want to present?

Are you proud of your personal appearance?

Does it represent the best possible you?

If there is a discrepancy, take an objective look at #2-#11 below…



2.  Wardrobe


We typically wear 20% of our clothes 80% of the time.


What does the 20% you always wear say about you?  Does it REALLY reflect the image you want to present?

Clothes evidence your mood and role, so use clothing strategically.

Choose the appropriate attire for every occasion.  Certain outfits/colors can make you seem more friendly or more serious.

Dark colors and conservative attire typically suggest a more serious tone; while bright colors and trendy clothes radiate a more outgoing, warm vibe.


Organize your wardrobe — not by color – but what it conveys.  Make sure your wardrobe is versatile enough to communicate ALL your traits, not just some.


Build a wardrobe applicable for all occasions. Make sure it TRULY reflects your personal style and tells the world what you think about yourself.

Here are some additional wardrobe tips (Become a Friends with Benefits member to receive a free email consultation on your looks from one of our coaches):

  • The best color is the one that looks good on you.
  • Invest in quality pieces over quantity. (Remember, fabric communicates too.)
  • Take an occasional risk.
  • Keep your wardrobe up-to-date and relative to your age.
  • Avoid overly trendy looks.
  • Value comfort – the goal is to make you look and FEEL great.
  • Use accessories to accentuate – not distract.
  • Wear shoes for the right occasion! (Guys…many women look at your shoes as a litmus test.)
  • Break fashion rules – the rules are for people with no style and ability to dress themselves.



3.  Accept your body


Many times, we sabotage our style because we have a poor self-image.


In our articles about Self-Esteem, we discussed how your perception of yourself translates to the image you project to the world.

It’s ok to acknowledge possible physical improvements, but don’t focus on drastic things you can’t change easily.

Self-criticism is a psychological cancer that must be avoided at all costs.

When feeling doubts, try this exercise…

Go to a mall and notice how many people you would change places with based just on looks.  

You will be surprised how many people are older, less attractive, or not any better off than you.  

You can’t help but feel better about yourself when you realize there are so few people who you would switch places with.


Size 12 Attractive


Marilyn Monroe was a size 12.

Most people will never look like supermodels no matter what, so don’t try to live up to unrealistic ideals.


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4.  Accentuate positives


Highlight your positives while disguising your negatives.


If you have great eyes, then get a hair style that frames the face and highlights them.  If you have great legs, then wear shorts and dresses that show them off.

Here is a good example…


Great Tunic


What do you immediately notice???  Her great legs right?

This tunic is great at highlighting an attractive feature and disguising others.  

This person could have a flat chest or be pregnant and no one would notice (or care) from this outfit.  

She looks amazing! And it’s largely do to choosing the right outfit for her body.



5.  Hygiene


Poor hygiene and grooming destroy your credibility.


Ensure proper hygiene or you will sabotage any possible attraction with a quality person.

Just put yourself in the other person’s shoes.  

How would you feel about someone who smells bad or has bad breath???


Always Shower Before Going Out

Shower as necessary before all social interactions and use a quality deodorant.  Always make sure your breath is fresh and teeth clean.

It’s better to be late to a function or date, then to skimp on hygiene/cleanliness.  

Once you get noticed for bad hygiene, that rap stays with you for a long time.



6.  Neatness


A clean and pressed outfit dresses up even the most humble wardrobe.


Iron your clothes and make sure they are clean.

Don’t wear anything too tight.  It is distracting and not classy.  This applies equally to males and females.

Clothes should NOT be used to send sexual messages.

Even if you have a great body, super-tight attire will not enhance your overall image. It may provoke lust in others, but you communicate a multitude of unflattering things about yourself overall.

General rule…Make sure you can pinch an inch of fabric on anything you wear.


Clothes too tight




7.  Treat your body with respect


Everything that goes into your body (or on it) should be the highest quality.


This does not mean staying unrealistically thin, or depriving yourself of the foods you love.  It’s about feeling great, having more energy, and keeping yourself as healthy as possible.

If you’re overweight and out-of-shape, you probably don’t feel energetic or look healthy.

Look up benchmarks for your age bracket and ensure you meet them. For most people, achieving a benchmark weight requires simply eating right.

Take time to learn the basics of nutrition.  The healthier you are inside, the greater chance to look your best outside.

One of the first treatments for people with cancers and other diseases is a regimented diet.

Instead of waiting to get these illnesses to eat right, why not start now???

We highly recommend the 40/30/30 diet, but there are many options.  

A strong vitamin regimen is also critical for supplementing your diet needs and occasional deficiencies.  Consult your physician and start caring about the quality of everything that goes into your body.



8.  Sleep


A good night’s sleep is essential for looking and feeling your best.


Dark circles under your eyes communicate a sinister look that turns people off and looks unhealthy.  In fact, Hollywood makeup artists often add dark circles under the eye of evil characters.

Dark Circles

Who wants to be viewed as evil or unhealthy?


Deep sleep is just as important as enough sleep.  You feel more refreshed and energized after a long, deep sleep.

Proper sleep often gets overlooked in defining your “image”, but use this to your advantage.  (In our lessons for building self-esteem, we teach techniques that not only help you sleep better, but help remove anxiety and stress.)

Here are a few tips:

  • Set a regular bedtime and don’t break the routine.
  • Wake up at the same time each day.  If you need an alarm clock, you’re not getting enough sleep.
  • Try using eye masks to shut-out ambient light which may be keeping you from a deep sleep.
  • Turn off TVs and other distractions that can stimulate the mind versus relaxing it.
  • Invest in a comfortable, quiet mattress.
  • No nicotine, alcohol or caffeine close to bedtime.
  • If dark circles are genetic, use concealer to lighten the skin tone.
  • Avoid thoughts that evoke anxiety close to bedtime.



9.  Stress


Stress manifests itself physically in many ways and is a big turnoff.


A relaxed, confident person attracts far more than a stressed or ‘nervous nellie’.

Here are some techniques to help reduce stress:

  • Massages — soothes muscles and reduces stress – among many other health benefits.
  • Breathing — deep breathing exercises are easy to perform and provide quick relief from stress.
  • Exercise — running, yoga, sports, etc all provide a physical and mental outlet to distract the stressful thoughts.
  • Music — many types of music can enhance your mood and offer relaxation.
  • Tea — Green tea is particularly good at helping relieve stress.
Overcoming fear, anxiety, and stress is critical to generating attraction.  The good news is that it’s easy if you have the tools and knowledge to correct them in your mind.  In our advanced material, we spend a lot of time helping you harness the power of your subconscious mind.



10.  Hair Style


Like clothing, your hair style communicates more than you can imagine.


Best Hair

Don’t be afraid to change styles and spend the money necessary to have a true professional give you expert advice.

Never pick a hairstyle from a famous person and ask the stylist to duplicate it on you.  

Your hair must suit your facial shape and natural coloring…trust a professional’s opinion.


11.  Friends


Surround yourself with friends who respect you and will help you attain your goals.


Surround Yourself with Great Friends


Positive, confident, and fun people attract others like a moth to flame.  

Conversely, a bad entourage will sabotage your image no matter how much effort you put in individually.

Get rid of “friends” that are selfish, moody, flaky or high drama.  Don’t be afraid to “burn bridges” with low quality people.  (It’s actually one of our Optimacy Commandments).





Everyone desires to be liked for who we are deep down.


However, we can’t avoid reality.  People make judgments about us based on what we wear, how we act, and with whom we interact.

The way we look affects how people treat us, the way we feel, and the way we behave.

Fashion and looks are superficial only when we are hiding our real selves.

Don’t be afraid to show your real self.  Cultivate an image that is authentic and one that makes you proud.

Always remember…

Being authentic looks good on anyone.

If you would like 1-on-1 consultation or more detailed help in this area, please visit our membership page to schedule a consultation or join our membership club.

Members should move on to the next article in Chapter 1 – How Do You Know It’s Love.